Can't sleep tonight. Been laying here for a little over an hour, I yawn every once in a while but other than that I can't even keep my eyes closed for longer than a minute.
This sucks.
I've got to get up in 7 hours... which I know doesn't sound that bad, but I haven't slept all the way through the night in so long. Don't ask me why, I'm just always up and down during the night.
Urgh.
I really want to sleep.... I figured writing would help me get my stress out so I could sleep... Lets see if it helps!
I've found my niche in school and I'm happy to be on the right path now, but I have to tell you I'm ready to be done with school. This should be my junior year... instead I'll be a sophomore next semester. I'm only 20 (soon to be 21) but my god I'm ready to be out of school and on with my life, teaching and getting married ect. I want to be financially independent but god forbid I should get a call back. I'm not sure why I'm so unmarketable but I am apparently. I want to be independent from my parents (other than a little help with school) and I want to be able to say "I'm an adult". But I can't because I can't get a job and I can't be financially independent. SO FRUSTRATING.
Because I'm not independent I can't do a lot of things I would like to.
One of my girlfriends -younger than me- is getting married in August to a guy she's known since last Christmas... David and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary in February! I know I'm young and a lot of you think I'm ridiculous but I would honestly love to get married in the next few years. I know thats impossible as I will only be out of school in 3 years and after that I'm going to have to work for a while just to afford the wedding I'd like (not asking for anything big, but I'd like it to be elegant and well put together).
I always dreamed of being a young mom- as in first baby by 27- but it doesn't look like that will happen either which is a little frustrating. Having decided on teaching it doesn't look like I'll be having kids until my mid-30's if ever, because I wont be able to afford them until then! A lot of dreams I had are dissipating because of my career choice... travel, housing, ect. But honestly I'm okay with it, because I know I'll be happy as a teacher.
Thats everything on my mind. I'm going to try and sleep now... doubt it will work but damnit I'm going to try.
Three more years of school is not bad . . . your mom took 9 years. As far as marriage, kids, well things always work out, sometimes not according to our plans. Most of the world does not wait until they can afford kids . . . and really kids need so little the first few years . . . the retailers have sold us on the deluxe items as necessities when really they need a loving home, food, and clean clothes.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a job . . . well a lot of people are having a tough time, sometimes we do jobs to get a paycheck . . . remember right now it doesn't define you as a person, its a means to an end.
Hang in there . . . you are lucky to have a family that can support you in this stage of your life.
Thank you for the encouragement Lynda. That means a lot to me and makes me much more hopeful.
ReplyDelete