Its almost impossible to admit when you need help for mental illness. Its so stigmatized and even looked down upon in our society.
But last week I got up the courage and told my doctor that I needed help. I had reached a point where I was afraid of the thoughts that would intrude into my mind when dealing with stressful situations. Details aren't important but I will tell you that they shocked me and made me put Natalia in her crib and sit on the porch out of fear.
I was afraid that my doctor would report me to CPS and they would take Natalia, but in reality he wanted to help me. He was quick to understand that I needed the help I was seeking and started me on an anti-depressant and referred me to a counselor. My doctor praised me for my courage and told me that it took an exceptional person to come forward with my fears. I new it took a little courage but the fact that most new mother's never come forward is sad.
Within days of starting the anti-depressant I felt incredible. It didn't make me happy, it didn't make me numb, it helped me feel balanced and it gave me hope that those awful thoughts were a chemical imbalance and not my true feelings popping up. The metallic taste in my mouth faded and my outlook on the world continued to improve.
I would never ever hurt my baby girl. She is my world and I would die for her, but wonky chemicals in my brain made me resent her. I'm glad that I sought help and encourage new mom's to seek help even if they may not need or want an anti-depressant. Counseling has helped immensely also.
I was so ashamed when I started fearing my own thoughts and confided in David that I thought I needed help. With his encouragement I was able to talk to my doctor. Accepting attitudes and offering help instead of shame is the key to helping women with postpartum depression.
But last week I got up the courage and told my doctor that I needed help. I had reached a point where I was afraid of the thoughts that would intrude into my mind when dealing with stressful situations. Details aren't important but I will tell you that they shocked me and made me put Natalia in her crib and sit on the porch out of fear.
I was afraid that my doctor would report me to CPS and they would take Natalia, but in reality he wanted to help me. He was quick to understand that I needed the help I was seeking and started me on an anti-depressant and referred me to a counselor. My doctor praised me for my courage and told me that it took an exceptional person to come forward with my fears. I new it took a little courage but the fact that most new mother's never come forward is sad.
Within days of starting the anti-depressant I felt incredible. It didn't make me happy, it didn't make me numb, it helped me feel balanced and it gave me hope that those awful thoughts were a chemical imbalance and not my true feelings popping up. The metallic taste in my mouth faded and my outlook on the world continued to improve.
I would never ever hurt my baby girl. She is my world and I would die for her, but wonky chemicals in my brain made me resent her. I'm glad that I sought help and encourage new mom's to seek help even if they may not need or want an anti-depressant. Counseling has helped immensely also.
I was so ashamed when I started fearing my own thoughts and confided in David that I thought I needed help. With his encouragement I was able to talk to my doctor. Accepting attitudes and offering help instead of shame is the key to helping women with postpartum depression.
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