Trying to turn over a new leaf

Last week I started a pretty serious diet. Its the slim fast diet, and I'm taking in 1,000 calories or less a day plus daily exercise. It's only been for days but I feel a little bit better. I can't report my weight- our scale ran out of batteries weeks ago and I haven't replaced them. That's okay though, keeps me from obsessing over a number.

Usually changes like this are short lived because of my own failure, but I feel confident so far.

The only struggle I'm having right now is other people. Many of my friends are significantly smaller than me, both in height and weight, and don't seem to understand why I'm dieting. Mocking me, tempting me with food, telling me I don't need to diet... these things are not helpful. It doesn't matter of I say something, they just don't get that their words and actions hurt. Encouragement is what I need.

My goal is not to drop a ton of weight, a dress size at most. I want to like myself again. I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit in Hawaii this summer.

So wish me luck and encouragement, I'm on day 4 of 90.

Getting stuff done makes life a little easier

Not procrastinating and getting things done early actually really helps take a little bit of stress away.
This weeks work schedule is rough, but now that I've finished the paper and drawing due Thursday I feel a little better.
Sometimes life seems crushing, and a little hopeless, but it makes it a little better when you realize there are things you can do to fix it.
Last night I was sick of life and ready to just hide in my bed until the end of the semester. Today I woke up and decided to fix what I could, find ways to cope with what I couldn't fix, and maybe take a deep breath or two.
Sometimes I forget that its possible to fix my own problems when there isn't an obvious answer. 

Putting in Time

I know everyone has to pay their dues and "put in their time" with crappy jobs but I'm so ready to be done.
I don't want to stink of grease every time I come home, have work crappy hours while being understaffed, loathe going to work, and wear the same three shirts and pants over and over.
I'm tired of this crappy job and I'm tired of being ashamed to tell people where I work.
I want to have pride in my work, to tell people that my job helps me grow as a person.
I want to be happy again.
Right now my job has led me down a road of unhappiness and self loathing. It's damn near impossible to make good dietary choices while working 8 hour shifts without any sort of breaks. I've only gained weight while working there.
I know it sounds like I'm bitching, but after nearly 2 years of this... I don't think I can do this anymore without breaking down.
Maybe its a combination of some mental health issues and lack of self esteem. I don't know. Whatever it is... its not a good thing right now. 

A Weekend Unlike Any Other

This weekend I performed my first wedding for my best friend and her now husband. It was an amazing experience.
My parents were amazing enough to let us hold the wedding in their home. We turned the living room into a make shift chapel, with the adjoining room as the cake area. Mom made the cake, and a groom's pie which turned out amazing.
The ceremony went really well with only one or two slip ups on my part, and only once did the dog decide to make himself heard (silly pup). I got a lot of good feed back from, not only the bride and groom, but most of the attendees. It felt good!
Bride and groom seemed happy and I'm glad I could do something special for my best friend.